Blonde for love

 

The quote,” being blonde” is a stereotypical phrase that is associated with a woman having blond hair and these women with blond hair were and still are attractive but lack brains. In today’s society, the phrase simply means you are attractive but lack knowledge. It means you are good as a sex object. Women would rather be beautiful as that grabs a man’s attention faster than him getting to know you.

There are times as a woman you feel like you should do anything necessary to impress that one guy and this means acting a fool, ”blond”. Everyone acts a fool at some point when they are in love and this also includes me. I recently took to the streets and asked a couple of young women if they have ever had to act blond in order to impress or get a guy’s attention and the result was four out of five women have.

I asked a girl we shall call Ester what she did to act blond and she recalled one occasion where she had to act like she can’t read the time just to get the attention from her boyfriend. On another occasion, she told me she once acted like she could not read a map just to have the guy do it for her. With this in mind we then pose the question why we women act blond and why then do our men seem like they are attracted by this.

Women act blond because being blond means you are attractive but lack the brains.In this case, the notion is brains don’t matter because men are attracted by what they see rather than what you know and this has gotten many women what they want in terms of material things. When a woman acts like she is less intelligent it makes the man feel like he has control because they are naturally dominant. Man don’t want competition from a woman and believe that we should be submissive least we bruise their ego.

When a woman holds a position of power (e.g. a CEO) or if she is more educated than a man, it becomes difficult to get respect from the opposite sex. This is why women in positions of power have to work extra hard to prove that they deserve respect in their line of profession because naturally, society assumes most of the time we sleep our way to the top.

A huge majority of man do not feel comfortable when their spouse earns more money that they do and this causes friction in relationships. A small number of man don’t mind if their spouse earns more. However, in a research, I did recently four out of five-man would rather date a woman who has brains than those with beauty only to offer. The reason these men said this was that as we grow older looks fade but personality doesn’t. They also said they need a partner who can help the kids with homework, one who can budget and plan for the future. They didn’t nullify the beauty aspect as this attracts them to you in the first place but after having a conversation with you and they discover that you are an empty vessel it’s a turn off for them.

In conclusion, ladies what I found out is men would rather marry a woman who is brainy than marry someone who has only beauty to offer. One man I will call Peter,” said a girl who is pretty only, is good for the bedroom and also as a trophy to show off to his friends. I think that as women we should strive to maintain a balance in our everyday life, get that education girl, put on that lipstick and tight dress, be a boss and remember a guy who truly loves you will take you as you are.

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Love yourself enough to walk away from abuse

Love yourself enough to walk away from abuse

Abuse is when one person hurts another person, either physically or emotionally. Abuse happens over time, usually in a cycle. It often continues until the person who is being abused gets help.

The very first thing that comes to mind when we think of the word abuse is when your partner inflicts physical pain on your body. This is a very important issue that many African women like you and me face in our everyday lives. For some, it’s more real than for others. I’m here to remind you that abuse from your man in any kind of form is wrong.

Many times as women we tend to endure a lot of pain in life, we are strong and can carry a lot on our shoulders. That’s how God made us but it’s not an excuse to let someone take advantage. Whether you are married or not, letting your man beat you up and you not doing anything about it is not right, and it surely isn’t love .When a man loves you, he won’t place his fingers on your body to inflict pain.

It’s a shame how many women are in an abusive relationship but cannot walk away because they feel like they will not find someone else to love them. Some women cannot walk away because threats upon their lives have been made by their abusive partner. Ladies staying in that relationship any longer is death. There is no greater pain than being afraid of the man you love and feeling like you cannot be yourself in fear of angering him.

Ladies your bodies are special and they deserve to be loved. No matter how much you love that man, if he is abusing you, walk away from that relationship before it is too late.

Abuse is not just physical, it is emotional as well. Some man will not lay their fingers on you but their words hurt that much more. Ladies the moment a man starts to insult you or curse at you that is no longer love that’s abuse no matter how subtle it may seem. When your man does not communicate with you and causes you mental frustration thinking about where he could be, and what he could be doing and with who does that not drive you insane? The unsettlement, the sadness and anger you feel when he’s not around for you when he is supposed to is abuse to your emotions. You deserve a man who is consistent in his behavior. You don’t need to feel confused. The moment you feel confused and are not sure where you stand in his life, that is not love, refuse to be strung along, refuse to be abused.

If you are not sure whether you are in an abusive relationship here are signs below:

  • Unrealistic expectations of perfect behavior from your partner,
  • Forceful sex,
  • Name calling, degrading, humiliation,
  • Mood swings based on feelings based upon the relationship,
  • Arguing constantly and suddenly,
  • Manipulation of your emotions and being made to feel like you are a problem,
  • Feeling fear, nervous or unsafe,
  • Trying extra hard to make your partner happy,
  • Emotionally distant or unavailable most of the time,
  • No compassion or empathy,
  • Isolation from loved ones,
  • Controlling behavior,

In most of our African societies abuse is only regarded if it has physical implications. Ladies, emotional abuse is still abuse and may have lasting effects upon your life if you don’t get help. Try by all means to get out of abusive relationships as soon as you identify them and seek help. These following methods can help someone out there who does not know what to do with their life after that bad relationship.

Cut off the abuser from your life

You should forgive them for your own sake so you can move on. Cutting them off means removing any form of communication there was with that man. You have to try and be strong and walk away from what broke you. He may try to come back but knowing he is bad for you should be motivation enough. You have been through a lot. Leave him and his abuse in the past and move onto a fresh future, embrace new beginnings.

Think positive

Whenever those negative thoughts you have heard or believed about yourself in the past abusive relationship start to surface, try to push your mind to think about things that you like about yourself. It may be a body part you love, your talents, it can be anything as long as it is positive push yourself to think it. Think it, confess it and believe it. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you are beautiful and that you are worth it. Positive confession works. The more you do it the sooner it manifests. Positivity will soon become a habit.

Try a hobby or exercise

Use this healing time to take care of yourself and your body as well as your mind. Try going for walks early in the morning and inhale that fresh air. If you are not an outdoor person try yoga or cardio exercises. Take up tennis, hockey, and knitting or reading, as long as it is something to help heal your mind and body, take it up and keep busy and focused on yourself. Also see how choosing a hobby you do by yourself gives you independence and freedom to take back the power of exercising choice you may have lost. Making up your own mind and doing something for you may be something you had forgotten. This will give you that time to reconnect with yourself.

Get support from friends or family

It is very important at this time in your life to get support from your family and friends. Being around people who love you reminds you how special you are and it helps to keep your mind of thinking. Family and friends are good help especially when you need to talk, you have ready listening ears because sometimes venting helps and this helps to heal your mind. Being in a loving environment brings comfort and just knowing somebody cares is enough. Sometimes it’s not even about having a conversation but just the presence of someone who cares is more than enough. Remember seeking help from family and friends or opening up about it is not a sign of weakness but strength.

Spiritual support

You can never go wrong with seeking help from God. Prayer helps a lot but there are times where you can’t even pray for yourself because you are broken and too weak. For your mind and body to heal, your spirit also needs to heal, so prayer is everything in times of pain.

Be patient with yourself

In spite of doing all the things above, we are human and there will be days you feel weak and cry your eyes out and there will be those you feel like you are over it. That is the healing process, you should take your time because healing doesn’t take place overnight. Be patient and kind with yourself, in time you will be ok, trust the process ladies.

In conclusion, every beautiful woman like you and me deserves a man who is bold enough to love a woman as strong as you are. You are special and your scars are who you are. Take your time to heal and when you are ready a man worthy and ready to love you the right way will find you. Jumping into another relationship before you have dealt with the demons from the former will haunt you and your next relationship. Relax and remember to take your time.

Ladies remember that you are powerful and don’t let another human being make you feel like you are worthless and useless. The problem was never you. It is because he has problems within himself and hence cannot love another human being. It is unfortunate that you ended up with such because of your nature to heal and fix. You could not fix him because he was broken. You could not change him because he didn’t want to. It’s not your fault. A man will change when he wants to for a woman he wants to be with, it has nothing to do with what you do. Pick up your crown queen, dust it off it put it back on your head where it belongs.

By Ellen Ruturi

How to sustain your relationship

How to sustain your relationship

Dearest ladies there are few ingredients you need to add to your love life to keep it alive and this is not only for you girls out there dating but for you married ladies out there. There is a popular notion that love alone will not sustain a relationship. This is true and that’s the reason for a number of divorces out there and broken relationships. Before I share the ingredients with you please keep one thing in mind, you could do everything for a guy but remember a guy will only be kept if he wants to

Communication

Whether you are in a long distance relationship or if your boyfriend or husband is in close proximity, communication is key. For us, communication comes naturally because we tend to be the ones that talk more in a relationship.Communicate with your partner about your feelings don’t bottle things inside. Tell him how you feel about his behavior if he isn’t acting right, talk to him when you go on dates, don’t let the phone get in the way of human communication. For those in long distance relationships, keep the communication flowing, skype, and call as often as possible. Ladies spice up that relationship by sending him sweet, cute and sexy messages on his phone.

Keep the relationship on fire. Ladies communication also means you have to listen. Listen to your partner. Pay attention to not only what he says but how he says it or the way he acts because communication is not only verbal but physical as well. Before I led some of you on please remember to strike a balance. What I mean is communicate but don’t overdo it, give him time to miss you. Let him breathe, don’t overcrowd his space. Men are different from women.

Don’t call him ten times a day or overcrowd his space by always being at his house. He needs time to himself and with the guys. Give him the opportunity to miss you. Don’t get confused ladies, communicate with you man but don’t be a psychopath.

Appearance

Dearest African woman, it is not sexy to be in your head wrap and pajamas at 3 in the afternoon. Don’t get too comfortable because you are now his wife or girlfriend. Please stay woke. Men are visual people which means they are attracted by what they see. I’m sure all of you have experienced men whistling at you when you wear that short dress or that top that shows cleavage, it’s all about the visuals.

With this in mind, ladies try your best to look good with what you have. Get your hair done and wear clean clothes that compliment your figure. For those that wear makeup, by all means, put it on. For those that don’t, it’s still good just make sure your look fresh. Develop a habit of looking good even before you are in a relationship. Do it for yourself and your man.

Ladies bath, please. I can’t stress this enough, love water and soap it’s your best friend. When you go out on dates or just out in general look your best always. Let him drool over you. African woman tore underwear is not sexy. How can you look good outside and have your insides in disorder? Try not to scare him by wearing such. Invest in sexy undergarments. Create a balance in your wardrobe between comfortable underwear and sexy underwear. You will feel confident and your men will appreciate this.

Sex

This is a very profound topic but for now, bear in mind that every man wants and needs sex. If you are in a relationship and your and not sexually active that’s still good but if you are you probably know by now how much this is a vital part of a relationship. Ladies men don’t want sex it’s a need and likewise for use affection is not a want but a need. There is nothing more important than sexual compatibility because it enables you to enjoy the experience more. With that said always be ready to pleasure your man.

Keep hygienic especially in the v area. Spice up your sex life by being creative. Try having sex in the weirdest places and not just the bed. Keep things interesting. Talk to your partner about what pleasures you and what pleasures him. Try different positions that work for both of you. Remember the key is to keep things exciting. For those with busy schedules from work, school or maybe kids, try to have quickies or visit your partner at the workplace for lunch and get it on in the office. African lady these are not things that are only done in movies, keep the love alive. Ladies don’t just wait for your man to get you in the mood for sex but take the wheel sometime. Men like that.

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Unstoppable

The moment we go to kindergarten we are faced with the question, what do you want to be when you grow up? And as usual we answer doctor, lawyer, teacher, engineer and so many other career choices. However not all of us get to realize that dreams because of different circumstances in life but if there is a slight chance, a window of opportunity that is made available please do jump on it, grab on it and never let it go till you achieve it.

As an African woman or rather in my case also Zimbabwean for the majority people we don’t get to dream that high all we get to do is “l want to get an education and get married) and the type of education that most get to do is high school. Those who come from fortunate families then get to go to university. It would be my wish that every young girl reaches university and proceed to run the world for us women can do it all, we are multitaskers and we run the world.

There is a trend going on #WCW amongst others and this means woman crush Wednesday. It means you get to honor the person you admire or look up to for particular reasons. And today our WCW is none other Danai Jekesai Gurira popularly known for her role in The Walking Dead, All Eyes On Me, Black Panther. For those who do not know she is also a playwright and has pioneered the Love Our Girls movement. She is our person of admiration today because of the work that she has done to uplift African women and have their stories told and also what she has gone through to be where she is today.

Danai Gurira was born in Grinnell,Iowa USA to Josephine and Roger Gurira who were from Zimbabwe. Her father was then at Grinnel College teaching chemistry. When she was five years old her family moved back to Zimbabwe where she stayed until she was eighteen years old.at 18 she then went back to the US for college where she was studying social psychology at Macalester College.

Whilst in college she developed an interest in theatre and she would participate in campus plays. She then majored in theatre, graduated and went on to do a masters in theatre in New York and that’s how her rise of fame began-in Broadway. She began her professional career onstage, winning numerous awards for her work in the 2005 production of “In the Continuum”, an Off-Broadway play that she also wrote. From there, she began adding film and television credits to her resume. She has since appeared in such projects as “Law & Order: Criminal Intent”, “The Visitor”, “Ghost Town”, “Life on Mars”, “American Experience”, “Lie to Me”, “3 Backyards”, “My Soul to Take”, and “Restless City”. She also had a recurring role on “Treme” and has continued to work in the theatre, appearing in “The Convert”, which she also wrote. She is currently co-starring on the hit series, “The Walking Dead”. In 2017 she appeared in the biopic about Tupac “All Eyez on Me” as Tupac’s mother, Afeni Shakur and in 2018 was in Black Panther. She wrote a play called ‘Eclipsed’ were she was telling the story of five women in the 2003 war zone in Liberia who were abducted at different stages of their life and forced to become bush wives-sex slaves to a commanding officer. Danai was/is passionate about telling African stories on American soil and her having grown up in Harare she saw what other fellow African women have gone through.

Beginning of the year there was the Almasi playwriters festival and Danai as a playwright was present and that she is the co-director and my podcaster colleague Onai managed to interview her. Danai said you don’t just wake up one day and you have made it in life, it doesn’t work like that. You have to work hard, persevere and make sure your talent or gift is recognized and whatever it is that you do pays off in the end.

When she started some of her plays were boring as her friend Frank would say but Danai never gave up because she knew that one day all her plays and tv roles would be interesting to watch. As Zimbabwean young ladies, we should learn from Danai.she started small, acting in campus plays went to Broadway and ended on the big screen. We all can’t be Danai’s but we can learn from her. She was strong, adamant, persevered and had faith and believed in herself and she knew she was UNSTOPPABLE. She did not stop dreaming and working hard for her dreams no matter how many trials and tribulations she faced, no matter how many people did not believe in her.

We as young ladies, the present generation, and the future generation to come we need to dream big, start small and start now. Do not let society stop you or limit you or do not let your social background stop you from achieving your dreams for you can make it and live the life that you want till you’re unstoppable and the sky becomes your point of view.

Keep moving for you can…..

Gracia Casandra

10 April 2018

Feminism

We have been blessed to be born in a generation where the idea of equality and opportunity can not only be a dream but a close and achievable reality. Thanks to famous women like Winnie Mandela, Maya Angelou, Oprah and even unsung heroes like Divine Ndhlukula founder of SECURICO Security Services in Zimbabwe, and the queen of Africa’s security industry, we are blessed enough to be seen and this has equated waves of a generation that can not only debate about the necessities of feminism but deny that there is a fight to be fought.

Feminism is a range of political movements, ideologies, and social movements that share a common goal: to define, establish and achieve political, economic, personal, and social equality of sexes and yet here in Africa we face the ideology that feminism is anti-cultural, that equality is anti our tradition but submission and slavery was never the way of the African people; ‘In the Middle Ages, when European women were practically slaves, African women were reigning over kingdoms and were gatekeepers of commerce and military leaders. Many African societies were matriarchal, with African women being afforded sexual and social freedoms which led to less possessive relationships. The major shift in the status of African women, however, came as a consequence of the European attack on Africa, which resulted in slavery and colonialism’ (Theafricareport.com : Is feminism un-African? | The Question )

Black Panther was and truly could have been an African reality, which begs to answer the question why should you be a feminist regardless of your gender in our society today?

  • Abuse

Despite various movements and laws passed in the recent years, Zimbabwe is still a far cry from fully protecting women against abuse.  At least 22 women are raped daily in Zimbabwe, translating to almost one woman being sexually abused every hour as statistics from the Zimbabwe National Statistics Office (ZimStat) and more than 40,500 cases of domestic violence with more than 60% going unreported.

Women are still shrouded in the shame of speaking out, in the fear of being judged as a nation we have adopted the tendency to victim blame and instead this truth stays hidden in plain sight because we as a society refuse to stand as one, to step up to be our voice and to finally say enough is enough.

  • Education

2/3 of the 774 million people worldwide who are illiterate are women, 62 million girls world-wide still don’t have access to education and according to the One Campaign over 130 million girls are still out of school. To count from one to 130 million would take us 5 years. http://logpledge.org/ones-ground-breaking-report/

And don’t forget to take the love our girls pledge.

  • Workplace

If against all odds you are blessed enough to be educated, in many countries, women in paid work earn 10% – 30% less than men and even scarier is the reality that we are then condemned to the reality of feeling unsafe in our workplace because of unsolicited sexual remarks and often sexual encounters that many in our nation refuse to acknowledge as sexual harassment. Quite often we hear that women have a choice to say yes or no. How about ensuring that the question does not come up in the first place? Sexual Harassment article:

http://herzimbabwe.co.zw/2016/09/women-safe-workplace/

Emma Watson coined it “He for She”, it could also be called We for We. Or: I am because We Are. See, gender equality isn’t just for women, it’s for men too. Feminism is a fight against a non-functioning society, against a mindset that says we are not one. Feminism is a fight for equality, and our fight, our fight is to get the people talking, to give the people a voice!

By

Mandy

 

 

Being A Woman

‘Me, my beauty is skin deep

But i am not more than my skin

I am my skin; i am the jewel of Africa

The symbol of pride, love, of freedom

The roar of Simba, modeled by the heavens and I shine.’ (Mandy)

It is not only about giving birth to children, it is not only about waking up every morning and doing housework, being a woman is about love.

We are not recognized by man as the wonders of the world, we are recognized as nothing to the world but I say no to that, we are something to the world, we are jewels of the world, the lioness of Africa.

We are mothers to the world, sister’s, aunts, we are women. We carry life in our womb for nine good months carrying the future doctors, nurses, lawyers, artists you name them all, we carry them in our wombs for nine months.

Forgive me when i speak in anger but you people of the world recognize us not. We the people who make all of you know how to walk ,talk ,run and eat. We as women need to be seen as something and not nothing.

Equality for both genders and most of all no to discrimination.

Motherhood and womanhood is the key that brightens the world.

Being a woman.

Written by

Tafadzwa Chitambo(faffie fox).

I should define the relationship l want……

I should define the relationship l want……

Who defines what love is, what a relationship should be like or whether what one does in a relationship is wrong. Is it society or God or whatever Supreme Being that one prays to? I believe that its time that we ourselves the one in that relationship we define it to how we want it to be and let the ship go to the course that we want.

I’m not a feminist, the type that believes that women can do without men, l don’t take away anything from their beliefs but l believe its high time women have power in their own relationships. Not the kind of power that leads up to abuse or manipulation but the kind of power that makes you define your relationship, that makes you the captain of your ship and stir the wheel to the course you want. The game of love can be played according to how us women want it. For example sex. A woman in a relationship when having sex her intention is to please her man so that he doesn’t find someone else to have sex with(even when we know that it’s impossible but we still believe) imagine when the woman has the power and sex is done to please her, l wonder how that will turn out

For so long us women, myself included have listened to society tell us how relationships ought to be, how to behave around your man or your husband and sometimes it doesn’t always work out that way. I remember someone used to tell me a friend to everyone is a friend to no one meaning we can’t please everyone for they want different things and in the end you can’t please them all .so just be you, be the woman you were meant to be and be in control of how you define your relationship or where you want it to go.

The reason why l am saying this is because l realized from my previous relationships that l was the obedient type and my definition of a relationship and how it’s supposed to go was according to the parameters that society had set up for me. But that didn’t work so l decided that things should go according to how I want them to, after all, lm the one who is in the relationship and l know what l want to achieve or what lm investing in.

Women are strong, independent, can rule the world whilst multitasking and surely we can rule our hearts and relationships to how we want or suite our needs

So dare to be you.

By

Gracia Casandra

 

10 Movies with Engaging Black Female Characters

10 Movies with Engaging Black Female Characters.

Most of the most engaging characters in movies are black woman. I’m not talking about Halley Berry in Cat woman… Yes we forgive her for that. I’m talking about the memorable black female characters that have been portrayed in media. Dear Hollywood, we are very tired of seeing the ‘angry black girl’ stereotype in movies or shows. Thanks to writers like Shonda Rhimes who saved us by introducing new black female leads who are empowered socially, politically and sexually. We cannot talk about amazing black characters without mentioning characters like Annalise Keating from How to Get Away with Murder or Jessica Pearson from suits.

Dear Hollywood black women aren’t always yelling, neck rolling, and finger snapping loud, obnoxious people and we know that you know.

Welcome to a new reign of black women, I am here to acknowledge the noble characters that media has presented to us. Here is a list of movies that will make you appreciate the sauce of a black woman, the melanin queen, her majesty of the soil…

These movies will make you laugh, cry, cringe, love and hate. Unfortunately not all the movies could have made the list, so in no order here are 10 movies with engaging black characters:

 

  1. The Help (2011)

2. Set It Off ( 1996)

3. Girls Trip (2017)

4. Love and basketball (2000)

5. The Secret Life of Bees (2008)

6. 12 Years a slave (2013)

7. The Gabby Douglas Story (2014)

8. Black Panther (2018)

9. Dream Girls (2006)

10. Hidden Figures (2016)

By Ash Wenyika